Just As I Am

The song "Come to Jesus" by Chris Rice is one of my very favorites. It prompts tears every time I hear it...thinking of my precious daughter laughing on Glory's side.

You know, when you lose a child, you never get over it. You learn to accept it, take it as your lot, but you never get over it. I'm sure the pain lessens and heals with time when accepted with a heart of faith, but it leaves a scar. Even Jesus had Thomas touch his nail-scarred hands; in Revelation, John describes the Lamb "as if it had been slain". Death no longer has victory, but it leaves its mark. By the end of my life I am bound to have many more scars. I used to think there would be no tears in heaven. God's Word says He will wipe away the tears...so there has to be tears to begin with. It's hard to believe, but Jesus shines through us more beautifully when we are broken and full of holes. It shows we've had to lean on Him for strength, Him lifting us up with His strong right arm. Only then are we completely empty of ourselves and become full of His grace, mercy, love and strength. He is our Healer as well. He gives time of laughter and joy so bountiful it makes our hearts burst with pleasure...times when we wonder how we could ever experience pain. It's all so blended fully in this journey we call life.

These days I am learning to be more thankful, to contemplate on what God has given. There are so many blessings I take for granted...my husband, my daughter, family and friends. But also things. Because the economy is down and my husband is not as busy with work as usual, we are simplifying our life and subtracting from the list of expenses. It is a refreshing and hard thing to do. It is the birth of creativity, too! --Saving on groceries, homemade cards, checking out books from the library vs buying them, eating at home, and spending time with friends vs shopping. I have learned that we can get by without nearly as much output! All in all, God is our Provider and we don't need things to make us happy and we should always be content with what we have.

I cannot put into a capsule all that I'm feeling these days. But I do know this, all is well with my soul. Though my heart hurts sometimes, God is the same and I worship Him. He makes no mistakes and is good all. the. time.