They'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain

Yesterday, I was completely exhausted. I don't think I realized how tired I was until I just had to sit down in the hallway and pray, almost on the verge of tears. It was a combination of things...lack of sleep over the weekend, BUSY weekend, house a disaster, my girl having boundless energy.... all of it overwhelmed me as my lack of energy caught up with my good intentions.

But my sleep last night was sweet. And we finally have our Christmas tree! So it's Christmas decorating today! Anything sounds better then venturing out in the Washington cold this morning.

This weekend was a blast on Mt. Ranier, seeking out just the right Christmas tree for our living room. And Mike found it. There was snow all around, which made for great sledding. I was proud of Brilla for braving the sledding part. She ended up enjoying herself. The bonfire was so cozy this time 'round, seeing it was freezing up there. I only took one spill. I was dumb enough to try to go down a slick trodden path. Next thing I knew, Brilla and I were all in a heap. I could've cared less about dropping my camera. I was worried about Baby! But she is all right, just have a huge bruise on my elbow.

24 WEEKS!

Ah, finally a chance to post...and it's still reasonably early.

24 WEEKS!!!!

My Baby Girl has supposedly gained about 4 oz this last week. On the other hand, I have gained about 5 pounds. No joke. It is the curse of the holiday goodies! For Thanksgiving, we had too many decadent desserts: pumpkin, apple and blueberry pies, lemon dessert, tiramisu, triple chocolate brownies....yeah. My belly feels like it definitely preceeds me! I had better not gain more weight this month. When I get on that scale for my midwife, I don't want her to fall off the chair. =)

So, as you can tell, my appetite has totally skyrocketed. Another thing lately is that Baby Girl is moving all over the place. I think she's doing ballet. Yes, I can feel a pirouette right about now. I told Brilla and she said, "No Mama, only big girls do ballet." :) On a more somber note, when I lost Amelia, for months afterward I would have phantom kicks. It was terribly sad; it wasn't fair; it was hard. I would jump-start in the middle of the night thinking my baby was kicking, but in reality, she was very much gone. To feel our daughter kicking right now is like a miracle to me. I try not to take it for granted. It's a sign of the life God has given. Second chances.

I also am nesting like crazy. I just redecorated my bathroom, re-organized my daughter's bedroom, sorted and gave away our give-away pile, lifted a bunch of boxes (I should not have lifted), scrubbed out our trash can, and tidied up our office/craft room/Michael's clothing storage. And that room is supposed to be Baby's soon! Heaven help us! But I really am looking forward to decorating our Girly's room. I have so much I want to accomplish in the next few days, but find myself running around with this belly, and the whole agility thing just gets me. I've started working out regularly again, but it's all just part of the pregnancy package.

In other news, I am sad to put away the Thanksgiving decor. Thanksgiving is right up there with Christmas for me. I love the absence of gifts. It's just a time to be grateful for all God's goodness without the rush-around of purchases. I'm learning this season to be thankful for all the little things. The time spent with my husband on the couch after a long day, playing Candy Land with Bri, making plans for our Tiny One, being thankful I have a vacuum to clean our never-ending pine needles, playing music on the piano and those hot cups of tea. Most of all, the time spent with Jesus. He is my Life. I wouldn't be in the place I am without my Lord. He is most precious to me.

But I do cherish Christmas. I think this holiday grows dearer as I get older because the meaning of Jesus Christ at the center of it all hits home, clearer every year. Last year, I rented a book from the library which pointed all the aspects of Christmas to Jesus. From the candy cane to the Christmas tree, it's a book to help your children really find the spiritual, lasting meaning of Christmas versus all the fleeting-ness of it.

This weekend we plan to carry out our little family's Christmas tradition of trekking out to find our Christmas tree at Mt. Ranier. We head out with a group of friends, who originally invited us, very early in the morning. Then we usually eat our lunches by a bonfire. We're exhausted by the end, but the reward of a hand-picked tree is worth it!

Piano teaching is going well. I feel completely blessed by these kids. I wish that I could go back in time as a fly on the wall when I first took lessons as a 9-yr-old girl. Just to compare the experience with where I am now, teaching other 9-yr old boys and girls. Our Christmas recital will be soon. This year, we're doing a live nativity of sorts. Each child will dress up in a costume and read a Scripture in the order of events of Jesus' birth. Hopefully the songs will correspond. It shall be jolly.

My little Brilla is not so little anymore. Her legs are lengthening at a rapid rate. She is only 3 and I had to buy her some new 4/5 corduroy pants the other day. Wow. And her latest statement is, "Mama, it is my opinion that I should not weah a coat when I go potty. And it is my opinion that a coat makes me too hot in the bathwoom." This is after telling her to hurry up and go pee while she still had her outer layer on. I just responded, "That's a good opinion."

The Non-Secret to a Thankful Heart

I'm posting this now because I (probably) won't have time to this weekend.

Yesterday, depression called my name. Can you believe it, amongst the hustling and bustling of the holiday season? It's such an easy route to go. I start feeling sorry for myself, then the ball just keeps rolling downhill. But, thank God, the words of another woman and reading God's words of truth hit home and I chose not to go down that slippery slope.

So here is my challenge, and hopefully yours as well this Thanksgiving, as well as the rest of the year.

Are you content with who you are? With where God has placed you? The people you are surrounded with, including friends and family, or the lack thereof? If you are not, it is likely you will never learn to be thankful in whatever circumstance you are in, even if it turns for the better. Being thankful is a state of the heart, not based on the goings-on around us.

Faith in Jesus gives the only true satisfaction and security. He is our Rock amidst the change in our lives. People may fail us. He never fails. Are you feeling alone, empty, discouraged or scared?

"I love the Lord, because He has heard my voice and my supplications. Because He has inclined His ear unto me, therefore will I call upon Him so long as I live." Psalm 116: 1,2

Seek Jesus for your satisfaction. He is the only one who really knows your state, your heart. When we come to Him, we never leave feeling hungry or thirsty. Jesus is our Living Water and the Bread of Life. God is good no matter what our world is.

"O give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good: for His mercy endures forever." Psalm 118:29

Bargain Shopping Intervention

How does one go about avoiding a good bargain? I have this OCD regarding deals. Sometimes I'm able to recite a recent mantra to avoid the snare, or others times, I just stay home. But then the shopping bug catches up with me eventually and I just have to peek at those clearance racks!

Perhaps if I make a continual habit of posting on what I've bought throughout the week, I will feel guilty enough to take it back or at least feel an embarrassment to the point where I won't buy the item because I don't want to have to post it.

I am the queen of returning items. I always keep my receipts because I take back more than half the items I buy. It's called belated shopper's guilt, or something like that :P And Kari, if you're reading this, I even took back that cami and long-sleeve from Old Navy because I didn't like it after trying it on at home. I think the mirrors at ON were too flattering!

Really, I want to know, how do you ladies avoid the sales?

A Day Inside

I am thoroughly thankful for this Thursday! How's that for alliteration?

I've had a strangely dry throat for the last 5 days. It is persistent. I do believe a bug is trying to get at me. But needless to say, it's annoying.

After a harried, hurried day yesterday, I was all about taking it easy. And the dry throat was even more motivation to stay inside and get little projects done. But first things first, Mom came over today and we shared a light breakfast before taking her to the airport. We had quiche, cinnamon rolls, and some blueberry scones. A rather unconventional but delicious breakfast. Alas, the scones did not turn out this time. In my morning state of mind, I added baking soda versus baking powder. They looked picture perfect on the outside, but a bite quickly revealed the mistake.

I am jealous. I took my mom to the airport, where she is flying to Missouri to join my dad to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday, as well as Thanksgiving. I want to be there! However, we've avoided plane trips this pregnancy to be on the safe side~

After taking a rainy trip to the airport, then the grocery store, we arrived back at our warm home. My philosophy has always been to clean first so I can play later. I made quick work of the kitchen and cluttered frig and began to relax...

Made some hot lemonade for the Throat. Then stuck my nose in Beverly Lewis' latest book The Missing. Excellent. I think there is no book of hers I do not love.

And before I knew it, time to cook dinner was upon me. I opted for a slow-cooked southern chicken and rice soup. It is m'favorite and perfect to ward off the cold threatening me. And since I felt really relaxed and in a rather good mood, I started on homemade rolls, too. Honestly, my pregnant sense of smell could not wait for the food to be done.

It was only then that I finally allowed myself to get online. And peek at Babycenter. I am 22 weeks today! The baby is almost a pound, and supposedly about 11 inches long, the size of a summer squash. They always give the dangdest comparisons. Have to look them up every time.

But every week brings me closer to holding my precious little girl! And confession: I bought the cutest Etsy hat and booties earlier this week. My lame excuse to my husband was, "Sorry honey, I could not resist."

It's bed time for my daughter now. My turn to put her down! And perhaps clean up - as I view my living room from the couch, bits and pieces from my home are strewn all over. A cook book. A magnetic doodle pad. Doll Baby's dress. Hair bands. Scrap pieces of paper. A Dora cup full of water, teetering on the edge of piano bench. So many tiny beads I don't want to count. And a stroller full of B's toys, of course ;)

Wednesday

Wednesday is our big Bible Study day. I love it because I get to teach my 2s and Brilla loves it because she gets to be in her awesome 3/4s class.

The day started out with me waking a tad late. I'm supposed to be there for set-up at 8:30. I woke up at 7:30. Mind you, I have to get dressed, muss my hair into some form of togetherness, do breakfast for us both, make lunches and gather all our Bible study gear. Or rather, my gear.

Well, I did it! Streamlined by doing shredded wheat, then for lunch ::drumroll:: PB & J! Maybe a banana and string cheese to seal the deal. ;)

Today we learned "At Bethesda, Jesus heals the sick man on the Sabbath." We condense the whole lesson into ten words. There's my creative take! We then tell the story in better detail in ten sentences. Ha. You read right. Ten sentences. That's the attention span of 2s. And did I mention how they LOVE pictures as you tell the story?

Our verse was HUGE. It was John 5:24 "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my words and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life." Yep, huge for 2s. The cool thing is...sometimes they can actually repeat all that. Our focus for verse time isn't memorization, it's meditation. That's why we repeat the verse in several different ways. Sometimes singing it, sometimes doing a color/shape match, sometimes echoing it. Wish we as adults meditated on Scripture that way. I kid you not, now I do it at home.

Another major teaching time is Hymn Time. The children's favorite part. They totally enjoy worshiping God with their voices. Today we sang Holy, Holy, Holy (first verse) and Praise to the Living God. We always come up with min-activities while singing. Like swaying back and forth or holding our hands like we're singing in choir, clapping, or even showing pictures.

Then it was Large Muscle time! I decided we would go to the gym and play with bouncy balls. I wasn't sure of the adventure that awaited us as we toted 8 tw0-year-olds outside and to the gym. Well, praise God! It was a gorgeous autumn day, with the sun shining. The children were outstanding as they held onto the rope and tip-toed like mice all the way. And were they ever rewarded! I think this was their favorite Large Muscle time so far.

Then we had Quiet Time. Not nap time, not close our eyes time, but quiet time. Based on Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God." It's literally a time where the children rest on small pillows, no wiggles, no talking, only resting and thinking about God. Today as we rested, we specifically thought about how Jesus is all-powerful. And about a time when we were sick and Jesus healed us. Ahem, quiet time is always a challenge for 2s. But eventually those wiggles get ironed out and by now, they are really getting the hang of it.

Then comes Rhythm. Today we got to learn to shake tambourines to worship music in good rhythm. Very fun.

The mommies came to pick up their children and it was finally time for the children's leaders to get fed on God's Word. We get to listen to the teaching leader's lecture and eat our lunch. So relaxing and fed us spiritually and physically. Especially this pregnant woman!

Yay for Wednesdays!

I Will Not Forget

Last night, I had a pretty good sleep. But somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, somewhere between my anticipation of this new babe and my missing Amelia...the memories came flowing back...all in my half dreamy mode.

I believe the day we lost her was the two days before we officially discovered she was gone. It was the day when I was gungho about "Walking for Life" for CareNet. 3 miles. My husband and daughter joined in, too. I felt great and the sunrise that morning was awesome. And down in the depths of my heart, in that memory, I felt the recurring guilt that was there something I did that day that made my daughter die? I don't always dwell on this thought, but every so often, it will rear its ugly head. And then the question Why? with all it's mournful hopes came rushing back, along with the worry that maybe this daughter won't make it either.

I thought I was over this. Healed. Maybe I am, and maybe I'm just human, too. So I let the tears flow this morning. It's better to let them have their way rather than hold them back. That's part of healing. Just because I'm mending doesn't mean the pain is forever gone. That my heart won't miss my second-born daughter, Amelia. In fact, there are days where I hold nothing inside but utter joy that she is with Jesus, that I have Brilla, and am expecting our third daughter.

Mike was tinkering on the piano the other night and I expressed myself. I thought we were going to be expecting a little boy, not a little girl again. In some ways it would be easier to welcome a son because I can hold onto the memory of Amelia that much tighter without another daughter entering the picture; move on with all boy stuff. I am being completely honest here. Believe me, I'm the happiest mom to have another child, another daughter. And Mike spoke words which were such a balm to my spirit. Amelia will always be our second-born daughter, this girl will be our third-born. Amelia will always be a person, our child, with her own separate being and meaning in our life. And so will this daughter-to-come.

God knew that as married women, our husbands would be here to say the right thing when we need it. I needed those words and Mike's strength.

Every time I feel this tiny girl move, it does funny things to me. I get so excited and a smile comes to my face. A new sign of life and reminder of God's goodness. And I can feel okay at remembering Amelia at the same time, because all three of my girls are my precious treasures. My life has totally been changed by them.

I will not forget!