Lanes of memory

I can't seem to stop blogging today! My hubby and daughter are napping, the reason for all this spare time on my hands.

These past two days, my mind has caught me off guard and taken me d0wn forgotten lanes of memory, while Amelia was still alive. Happy memories then, but now sad because she is gone. Like the time I went to play volleyball with friends. Another woman was pregnant, about as far along as I was and she also had a toddler girl. What a coincidence! We talked about anticipation of the future, with pregnancy complaints mixed in. Another gal mentioned,"You grew fast at first, but then have seemed to stop!" I remember taking this as a compliment. ;) When pregnant, you take them when you can! Anyway, on our drive today, I was telling Michael how these memories keep plaguing me. They are like a drumbeat to sorrow that I can't seem to stop. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. Sometimes I wonder when they will end. Don't get me wrong, I want to remember. I don't want to forget Amelia and all our special times together. But all this sadness leaves me exhausted. God rejuvinates my heart eventually, but I feel as lovely as a prune afterward.

I am so glad God is God. I am glad we have His hope because without it, there is no sense in "cheering up". How can the "hopeless" man really live? This world full of death gives no comfort in itself. Really, happy living to its fullest without Jesus never gives lasting comfort either. In fact, even in the most sorrowful times ever, we can still be at great peace with God compared to the man who is smoothly sailing on his own merits. Aren't you glad God is God, and He loves us so much that while we were still sinners, He died for us? And as His children, He's cloaked us in His beautiful righteousness? I am brought to praise because of His grace and mercy toward me. There is nothing I have done to earn it. Quite the opposite.

"Why art Thou cast down, O my soul?
and why art thou disquieted within me?
hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise Him,
who is the health of my countenance (salvation), and my God."
Psalm 42:11

"His name shall endure for ever:
His name shall be continued as long as the sun:
and men shall be blessed in Him:
all nations shall call Him blessed.
Blessed be His glorious Name for ever: and let the whole earth be filled with His glory; Amen, and Amen."
Psalm 72:17-19