My Thanksgiving This Year

For so long, I just wanted my daughter with me. I knew she was with Jesus, but I wanted her down here...where I could hold her and take care of her. Sad thoughts just tumbled over and over again inside my mind and my heart was so heavy with the burden. I have been doing well lately. I have found that I am at peace with Amelia's death and am filled more and more with thankfulness and content at what God has given me. But I still have those very sad moments.

Like tonight.

I can't help but wish she would be in my tummy, kicking around like a good little girl should do at less than three weeks until her birth. I wish that I would be holding my husband's hand tomorrow at the Thanksgiving feast and telling our families that we are looking forward to our daughter's birth. Though I'd be huge, and complaining about my aches and pains, I would have Amelia.

What struck this painful chord? I was baking tonight, when my husband called me to the tv. On the news (some of you may have watched it), a little girl was born premature at 26 weeks. She is currently in the neonatal care unit. She cannot leave until her due date in February.

And her name is Amelia.

Immediately, I was wishing we had our baby girl alive and in that unit, even if she was premature; wishing we had caught whatever was wrong with her before it was too late; wishing we could care for her, have her hear our voice. But it will not be. I am sure it is hard for this couple to have their precious Amelia in the neonatal unit. Even though she's alive; it is hard to see such a tiny person with tubes attached. And life is not guaranteed for one born so small. But there is a good chance and I will be praying that come February, she will get that chance. That couple will be walking from the hospital with their beautiful daughter in their arms. Oh, Lord, let it be so.

You know, it is hard for a parent to watch their teenager or adult child rebel, turn against them - or worse, turn against God. It causes heartache for many years, especially if they are still on the wrong path when the parent dies. The uncertainty of their son or daughter's eternity.

We will never have that uncertainty with Amelia. We will never have to experience the pain of rebellion from her, or the matter of where she'll go when she dies. We don't have to be scared if she'll get run over by a car, or kidnapped. Or worried she'll get bad grades. She is automatically with Jesus. He is her guardian now; better than even us, her parents. His love is greater than ours. Someday soon we will join her and be experiencing that same love.

Now, that is something I will be able to share at the dinner table tomorrow evening!