Remembering Our Little Ones

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. http://www.october15th.com/

I am praying for moms and dad all across the country who lost a child they loved, either inside or outside the womb. Oh, God, please hold them close and keep the memory of their beautiful child alive. One woman's story stood out to me. Not only did she miscarry, but the miscarriage came not long after the death of her 31-year old husband. Such sorrow. Such pain and grief. What earthly heart can handle such aching? None. So we give this precious woman our tears and ask You to be with her, Jesus. Give her hope.

So many people say "You will have more children" or "It's good that you have another daughter to hug", but no one can take the place of Amelia. She had a separate soul, spirit and body than Brilla or any of our future children will have. She was a destinctly separate human being inside of me. She will always be a missing piece in our lives. As a friend succinctly stated just last night, we will never "get over" her death, we can only accept it, because she really existed and we love her. She is not "in the past", but very much in the present...worshipping her God in heaven.

Amelia, though you're in heaven, we only remember you here on earth in my tummy. You were such an unexpected blessing. I was thrilled to hear you were a girl because I thought you were going to be a boy. Daddy was secretly hoping for another girl; you brought out his fatherly protective nature. And you were healthy. Unlike your sister, Brilla, with whom we experienced a placental abruption because her cord originated on/near the placenta, you were completely normal. Nothing to worry about. In fact, our last ultrasound around July 31, 2008 (20 weeks) showed that you were growing quite healthy and on schedule. I felt great during this time...we went to our annual trip to Priest Lake with you, even went out on the boat and did some swimming. Your dad and I celebrated our 4th anniversary by getting away for the weekend up north (we left Brilla behind, but took you with us :)). We flew to Los Angeles for my cousin's wedding. It was so hot and your heavy weight made me feel extra sweaty and tired, but I had fun telling people about your soon arrival and all that we hoped for. Your aunties even gave you gifts. Your only ones that I will cherish to this day...a nifty lime changing pad, onesies, socks, washcloths, a towel, a rattle, and the most beautiful pink gauzy newborn dress. These gifts made you even more real to me and my happiness grew. In fact, at that point during the pregnancy, I was even more excited than I had ever been. I was enjoying having you inside of me...still had tons of energy. Painting your sister's new bedroom walls, planning to decorate your nursery. Then came your sister's 2nd birthday. It was her first actual birthday party and we had such a blast with family and friends. That day I wore my favorite summer blouse while pregnant with you. Your daddy liked it, too. ;) I was exhausted by the end, but totally happy. That was a week before your tragedy. The final days of your life we had so much fun, too. We went to the State Fair twice. I ate too much junk food. After that, we had a long night visiting with your Auntie Michelle, Uncle Steve and cousins. We ate lots of food and talked bunches. That Saturday we did the 5k Walk for Life, in support of unborn human life. How ironic. The walk felt so good even though I was pretty far along with you. Your daddy and sister had a great time as well. Even though it was sprinkling, it was a gorgeous morning, with the sun shining across the water. It was such a joyous time, void of the future to come. Then on Sunday, the day you may have passed from this life to the next, we watched the second Seahawks game, while visiting with your great-Grandpa Bob. It's probably good I was completely unaware of my little angel struggling for life. Oh, precious girl, I love you so much and even now I am crying because I want to hold you in my arms and sing you lullabies. I wish things did not happen as they did. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I did anything that somehow endangered your life, my sweet Amelia. But all of that does not matter. You are with Jesus. You don't have to toil in vain here. This ole' world has not tainted you. Straight from my womb to His arms. What better life is there? Hugs and kisses to you, our dear daughter. May God's love keep you until we can see your smile.