Good buys

I just love Ross. I haven't been in a while because every time I go, it seems so messy and hectic. Kids are always screaming (maybe 'cause I go around nap time?) and it makes me want to go organize my house afterward. But I went anyway. They must have really cleaned up lately because it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected! I forgot how they have a little bit of everything...and how my budget seems to vaporize as I see all the nifty things I want. I only went to get some shiny brown leather-like boots for Brilla (which don't seem to be anywhere in stores right now, suede, yes but shiny leather, no) and ended up with 4 books, a Bible cover, and black dress shoes for Bri. I'm really liking my purchases: a cute journal, Family Bible Classics (illustrated Bible stories, Bri doesn't have one yet), the cookbook Winning Recipes from Taste of Home (awesome, awesome!) and finally, the cookbook Deceptively Delicious by Jessica Seinfeld. I got the cookbooks for under $10 each. Beats Costco! I'm so proud. My husband will be like, "More books, honey?" with a worried look on his face. Well, at least I kept the receipt.

Last night we visited Amelia's grave. But before we reached her spot, another fresh burial came into view. I peered at the temporary inscription "Tessa Joy. Born September 28, Died September 28, 2008." Another stillborn baby girl. My heart cried out first, then the tears followed suit. I felt immediate and familiar pain for that family. How they must be aching! Mike and I got on our knees and said a prayer for that dear, hurting family. We asked Jesus for His comfort and peace in their lives; and if they are not believers, that their little girl's death might have them thinking on eternity. For she is already spending hers with Jesus.

Sleep is getting easier. I used to wake up in the middle of the night, waiting for Amelia's kicks and quickly realizing her absence, cry myself to sleep. This would happen twice each night. Now, I only wake up once and I pray. I silently give God all my thoughts and wonderings. And he puts me back to sleep. Right at this moment, I have a satisfied, content feeling about Amelia's death. I don't ache today. I may tomorrow, but not today. Thank you, Jesus, for your peace.

I am still hesitant being around people. In some ways, I want to talk about Amelia, but I don't want to answer people's questions of "How are you?" or "Are you feeling okay?", "How are you coping?" etc. I don't mind if they are just silent, or if they look at me and simply say "I am so sorry" or "we are praying for you" and then go on about other subjects. But people are people and I have to realize they truly care. They can't read my mind or my feelings. I remember when my friend Sarah had a miscarriage, I honestly didn't know what to say. I didn't like to bring up the subject, I was scared of how it might affect her. I'm glad I didn't say anything "wise" or cliche. At least I hope I didn't, and if I did, I am sorry.

I am not sure if we are doing anything exciting this weekend. Honestly, cleaning out our storage sounds exciting to me right now. I'm easily pleased these days. We might be going to a swim party for a neighbor girl...woohoo, I might have to wear a swimsuit. Maybe Mike can just go in :) But we also might be visiting with my sis-in-law's close friend who's in town, Angela. She brought her baby girl, whom I haven't seen yet! That will be fun. Babies are so precious, and if I get to hold one this weekend, it will have been an exceptional day.

Wow. I could go on and on. Now you know why I've filled out so many journals in my lifetime. And I'm only 26. Happy Friday everyone! You've survived the week!