Tear Soup...brew your own pot

I've just read Tear Soup (by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen).

If you've ever experienced a loss of some sort, you must read this precious book.

I found myself bawling all over again, completely identifying with the author, or rather, the characters in the story, like in these lines...

"She put on her apron because she knew it would get messy. It seems that grief is never clean. People feel misunderstood, feelings get hurt, and wrong assumptions are made all over the place. To make matters worse, grief always takes longer to cook than anyone wants it to. And then...Grandy started to cry. At first she sobbed. Sometimes she wept quietly. And sometimes when she was in a safe place where no one could hear her...she even wailed."

I could read the whole book to you right here. But I won't. You must read it for yourself, and grab a fistful of tissues first.

It seems my Brilla is used to tears by now. We have this down pat. Mommy cries, Brilla studies my face, gives me her blanky, snuggles close and soon she has me smiling.

I have cried a lot this week. I've read and watched so many heart-rending stories of others losing children or family. And I think it is because September is nearing, the month when we lost Amelia. The trees turning, the knowing that the fair is coming soon, Brilla's birthday almost being here, and Bible study starting up again...all the things that happened last year just before we said good-bye to our baby girl. The memories flood back. And instead of shoving back the grief, I have let the tidal wave pull me under. Why? Because I know that I am grieving, with hope. After the gloomy rain comes the magnificent sunlight of God's peace and assurance. Grieving in my own time, letting God heal me has not made me a sadder person, just a more broken one, needing His grace and strength. My Solid Rock.

My brother S wanted to see where his niece was buried. So we stopped by a local gardener's home first and received a beautiful variety of dahlias. The elderly man even gave us a few extra buds to bloom later! We had a perfect view of Mt. Rainer because of the sunshiny day. S agrees with me -truly is an amazing spot for our daughter's grave. I did not shed a single tear while there, probably because I'd cried so much earlier in the week already.

And now "Uncle S" is gone back to college. Little Brilla is heartbroken. But she brightened upon hearing he'll be back for Christmas.

See, good-byes are not forever!