Photos arrived, weight loss and yes, more about organization

Our photos of Amelia arrived last week. Of course I cried as I slowly took in each one. Kind of wishing we were holding her again, but glad we're no longer in that intense experience and place of pain. As much as I know I'll enjoy making Amelia's scrapbook, I can't bring myself to start on it yet. I'll know the right time. I've already got a scrapbook. It is pure white and has a gorgeous cover. The perfect memory capsule. I'm thinking of placing all the cards we received soon after her death in there as well. I got it inexpensive at Target on the clearance rack. I think it was off-season or something. I've also bought different stickers and other decor to surround her photos. I want to title the scrapbook. I kind of like "The Days of Amelia", but really don't know. If this sounds morbid to you, my apologies. In my eyes, I am cherishing the small excitements I have to celebrate her memory.

Other news: I am slowly getting that weight off! I had gained an extra 15 lbs of "baby fat" that just wouldn't quit. I am down to only 8 lbs of that. I continue to drag myself to the gym, count my calories, and drink non-fat mochas. Maybe if I rid myself of the "mocha" part, it'd be even better! My most recent friends have been hummus with wheat thins, yogurt, string cheese, any fruit, tuna, turkey slices, granola bars and whole wheat sour dough bread. Yes, they sell ww sour dough bread at Costco and it is scrumptious! I have avoided desserts like the plague. The only real desserts I've had lately are some pecan cookies from Trader Joe's, those milk chocolate topped shortbread cookies that are only 130 calories for two, and Brilla's ABC crackers from Trader Joe's. Those last ones are surprisingly delicious for being low-cal! I also love whole wheat stuff (even pasta) and corn tortillas. I have shied away from creams (sour cream) and cheese. I drink only water, except when I have hot tea and coffee. This is really strange, but I have given up caffeine for the most part. It's not that I think I'll die. It's mainly because I'm in that having-kids-stage-of-life and don't want to go back and forth, back and forth between pregnancy and breastfeeding. It's much easier to just cut all out. I've never really needed caffeince for high energy anyway!! I'm quite buoyant on my own!

I continue to get rid of junk (or stuff I don't need) in my home. In fact, I should be cleaning out my linens closet right now. I'll tell you ALL that is in there: dining, kitchen and bathroom linens, containers of toiletries, curlers, vases, nice dishes that don't fit anywhere else, all things candles, and picture frames. I have enough candles to light up our home during 5 years of snow storms. That's exaggerating a bit, but you get my drift. My mission with this closet is not to throw items out, but to make everything accessible. Because "if you can't see it, you won't use it". This will include buying new containers.

My husband really likes this organization whirwind I'm on. He's the one from whom it originated in the first place. I said,"I'd love to take an organization class or something, to learn from a professional". He said,"Why don't you just get books written by experts at the library and teach yourself?" So that's what I've been doing. And I've seriously thought about becoming a professional home and office organizer. I honestly have a blast. I'll post pics once I'm all done.

Pray for Sierra!

Please pray for Sierra Rose Fedelem!! Right Now Sierra is sick with a viral infection and pneumonia. She had to be put on a ventilator. Please pray for healing for her and peace and rest for Jason and Rosetta. For most recent updates, please click on her blog link.

Also, please pray for me. Every so often, I really struggle with losing Amelia. Last night was hard, but I got through it. I struggle as I see other moms with their precious newborns. I don't feel hard feelings toward them, I just have this deep ache in my heart for what I have lost and what I long for. This morning I read God's promises and He boosted my spirit.

This weekend so far...

I am writing from the comfort of my couch, mug filled with tea and bowl of hot chicken soup (that's a bit too spicy - never accidentally buy "diced jalapenos" instead of "diced chilies) on the side table. It was just a matter of time before we finally caught B's cold. M and I both felt the sore throat coming on yesterday! So we are all at home this Sunday, lying low and really taking it easy. We had a fun weekend until we caught the bug. It was such a rest from the long week. It's still pretty restful, but colds are a drag.

On Friday night (when our weekends begin!!), we headed to Azteca for din-din! We have been eating mostly at home whenever possible so going out was a nice respite for me! I'm happy to say I controlled my appetite and only ate until full. I read somewhere that a good help when dining out is to halve your plate first (put other half in box), then eat your meal. You're guaranteed to eat less! Have to say, Mexican food is one of my faves, so controlling myself there was hard to do. Afterward, I got my laugh for the day...M dropped me off in front of the store to return shoes. I grabbed my purse and "shoes" and headed in. I got to the counter and was like, "I'd like to return these sho---", only to embarrassingly realize I'd grabbed our leftovers! I felt like such a dunce.

On Saturday morning, I woke up early to exercise. These days, I don't even try the procrastination game in my head "should I go work out or should I wait until later?" If I know I have enough time...I just physically get dressed, pull the tennis shoes on and drive off before my mind can argue. The reason why I got up early to do it is #1) I enjoy working out in the morning versus nighttime (when I was single it was the opposite) #2) we had a date with my sil to go to IHOP for brunch! Talk about carbo load. So we met Michelle at pancake land. I ordered an omelet that came with 3 harvest grain 'n' nut cakes. Again, I halved my omelet and shared some with B, too. I even had a pancake! Don't know why I'm giving you all these details. Maybe because typing is about the most fun to have when blowing the nose every minute ::shrug::
When we got home, M cleaned out his truck and I organized the kitchen. One more step closer to my New Year resolution. It was actually fun once I got into the swing of things. I eliminated kitchen stuff that I NEVER use, but never thought to get rid of. Amazing. I also reviewed everything I already had in the cupboard. Tons of flour, I tell ya!

On Saturday night, we had family time at Border's. Our favorite thing is to get a stack of magazines and sit in the children's section while B browses to her heart's content. Cooking, Weight Watchers, People and home plans were my choice. I also got a chamomile tea. Ahhh. (Early evening is when I felt the sore throat coming) M was hungry so we stopped by Ivar's in the mall. The new South Center mall food court is quite something. I was hungry, too, (shall we say starving?) so I gave in to a piece of fish. Note: I have this new "no eating after 7:30" policy. It was about 9:15.

The great news is that I stepped on the scale this morning...and I've now lost 7 lbs! Yay. All the recording my calories (I'm doing it after all) and exercising is paying off. Don't worry, I'm not starving myself. I'm basically doing a home-grown versions of Weight Watchers. I record my eating and make healthier choices. I also head to the gym even if I don't feel like it. I'm so happy it's working. My goal is to be at my ideal weight by the end of February. I know those last few pounds will be a bear.

Now I have a cold and I hope that last pound lost doesn't come back. We shall see.

...Another woman's treasure

I am in the middle of some projects right now. One of them is to post items on craigslist and donate other stuff to the Salvation Army. So many of these things I really really like, I just don't need them anymore. I thought I'd list a few of them on here just in case any of you are interested. I'd love for them to find a friend's home. But then again, you may be getting rid of stuff as well, and don't need mine!

• Preggy jean jacket size S (Old Navy)$5
• Wedding dress, size 8, Christian Michele, mock sleeveless look $125 obo
• 2 wood-framed mirrors (really pretty) from Target. 24 in wide x 20 in height. Still in packaging! $35
• Word processer/typewriter (my trusty buddy during law school days) great condition $60
• Books! ($3 most, $2 for small books)

1. Pray for Our Nation (small book)
2. Parenting on Purpose: How to Build Character in Your Kids (small book)
3. The Everyday Commission Seminar Book
4. John: The Way to True Life (Bible Study)
5. Prison to Praise by Merlin Carothers
6. Dedication and Leadership by Douglas Hyde
7. Beyond the Barriers, Overcoming Hard Times through Tough Faith by Harold Morris
8. National Sunday Law by A. Jan Marcussen
9. The DaVinci Code A Quest for Answers by Josh McDowell
10. Reaching Out with Love, Encounters with troubled youth by Jean Marie Campbell
11. Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God (in updated book form) (small book)
12. The Peace Maker by Ken Sande (awesome book!! only giving this away because I have two copies)
13. Chosen by God by RC Sproul
14. The Bedside, Bathtub & Armchair Companion to Sherlock Holmes by D Riley & Pam McAllister (I'm a Sherlock fan)
15. Road to Avonlea books: The Materializing of Duncan McTavish, Quarantine at Alexander Abraham's, Conversions, Family Rivalry, Felix and Blackie, Aunt Abigail's Beau, and Malcolm and the Baby
16. Living Life on the Ragged Edge, Coming to Terms with Reality by Charles Swindoll
17. Living More with Less by Doris Longacre
18. Walking in the Way, An Introduction to Christian Ethics by Joel E. Trull (this is for someone who loves studying ethics)
19. How Sweet the Sound, amazing stories and grace-filled reflections on beloved hymns and gospel songs by George Beverly Shea (comes with a CD)
20. To Train Up a Child by Mike and Debi Pearl
21. Wisdom for the Graduate
22. The Case for Easter by Lee Strobel (2 copies available)(small book)
23. Miracle in the Making, the incredible story of the making of Left Behind II: Tribulation Force by Ray Comfort
24. Finding Nemo (cover is torn)(small book)
25. In His Steps by Charles Sheldon
26. The Great Rubber Stamp Book

• Movies: $3 each

1. Pork Chop Hill (Gregory Peck)
2. Spirit of the Game, featuring pro-football's heroes of faith
3. Crusade in the Pacific, Volumes I & II
4. JESUS film
5. The Greatest Gamble, done by Ray Comfort (this is very good, we already have several of his videos and decided to give this away)

• Music - The Boys Choir of Vienna, Les Miserables (cds) $3 each
• The Holy Bible on cassette tape (KJV) $10
• Onion Chopper (dice onions in one swift motion)$5
• Canoe with oars as picture frame (actually very cool, just doesn't match our home decor) $5
• Law book/gavel pen holder (a friend gave me this way back when but I now have a new pen holder!) $2
• Single Bedrail for kids (so they don't fall off bed)from Target, asking $15. We bought brand new $22, just didn't need it after all!
• Cute 18-24 month girls outfit, peasant blouse/leggings $7
• Luma Tweeze (lighted tweezers) Never opened $3
• Magnetic Tot-Lok Starter set, still in pkg $3

Let me know if you're interested by this Saturday! And I'm more than happy to send you pics via email if you'd like.

While the Cat's Away...

This is what I get for buying expensive hand cream from Papyrus! I thought B had been in the bathroom a little too long...

Thankfully, this brand of stuff cleans/wipes/smears off easily, so it wasn't terrible to clean up. But still, all that beautiful hand cream! I would have cried if it hadn't been so stinkin' funny. As you can see, mama didn't give out punishment, she got out the camera! Thus, the confused look on my daughter's face. Her ultimate punishment was wearing clean but wet sleeves for a while!

I was just thinking to myself of how good I'm sure it felt to reach her little hand in there and smother the yummy lotion all over. I feel the exact same way when I reach my hand in there. Only difference, this girl seemed unable to control her indulgence!

But isn't that how sin is? It feels so good, a little thrilling, a little dangerous at first...but then before we know it, we're up to our necks and we can't get out of it. It's become apart of us, a cage not to be rid of easily. Thank Jesus Christ for His blood that cleanses are sin-stained lives! Better than bleach, the blood of Jesus paid for our sin in full so we can stand redeemed before God! Thank you, Lord, for your sacrifice. Please daily cleanse our hearts and minds from the grip of temptation; and we give you our bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable.

I also wanted to ask your prayers for little Harper. I have been praying God's healing, miracle-working power on her behalf. Lift her up before the Throne of Grace! I'm sure her parents would appreciate it. He has already sustained one precious baby, Stellan!

The next holiday

Okay, four posts in 1 day? That is ridiculous! Honestly, just came back on to say that I have changed my blog to a "mushy" one because I love Valentine's Day SO MUCH! I even looked forward to it when I was single. Yes, weird. Please understand, V-Day at work used to mean a free latte from the downstairs cafe, treats from my boss, buying those silly little conversation hearts, the exchanging of chocolate, other goodies and notes amongst my parents, brothers & I, and possibly flowers from my dad all in one day. Talk about feeling loved! I think that's what I still LOVE about it. That and besides the fact that sweets and roses are often the way to my heart ;P Now that I'm married I LOVE it even more! I realize I will have to change it back once V-Day is officially over. But really, who gives a peanut?

I realize my last post sounded a little unfeeling. Like complete grief, questions, and tears are not okay, even after "the time of grieving" (and who knows how long that is? who wants to even attempt to determine it?) ends. My mind doesn't quite grasp where the line between God's will and the sour lemons this icky world deals out ends. Iow, I think death occurs, not always because God intended it to happen, but because we live in a sinful world where things will never be perfect until Jesus comes again and we are in His heaven. Things were not supposed to be this way, but because of sin, there will be constant death and evil.

But at the same time, I have to admit that God is not surprised by what happens to us. Death, sickness, heartache do not thwart His plans and His purposes. In fact, "All things work together for good for those who love God, and are called according to His purpose." So even though this world deals out a rotten hand to me and you, God never changes.

And that's what I wanted to communicate in my last post.

I trust that God knows what he's doing despite Amelia's death. I still have questions, and I'm still sad, but all is well with my soul. I'm at peace with God and that's what matters.