Just As I Am

I should be in bed.

I've been saying that to myself the last week and a half. And every night I don't listen because there is something wonderful about being alone in the quiet, time to think.

Tomorrow is Mothers Day and can I say I am so thankful to be one? My kids teach me daily about grace. They know me inside and out. They know my failings, my strengths, and they still love me for who I am. They are so quick to forgive. To lavish their love. In an instant, I will have arms wrapped around my neck so tight, I can barely breathe because of the love in that hug. In moments like that, time stands still and I don't want my kids to grow up.

Being a mom is a learning process. There is no fail-safe book on how to do it, and all are surprised by  its naturalness, its harshness, its wonder. I was not one of those girls that longed to be a mom. But when I held my eldest for the first time, I knew this is what I was made to be: a mom. Privileged to raise her to love and be loved. To worship her Creator, to love Him with all her being.

Mom-hood is hard, no bones about it. Some days I don't want to be Mom, because it so demanding! It's tough to meet the needs of little children, give them food all the time, wipe their noses, get them dressed, help the handle their emotions when you can't even handle yours! It's painful too. There is loss, heartache and tough love. There is nothing that sharpens a woman like mom-hood.

Some days I just want to turn on the music and dance with my girls. And we do. Throw all schedules to the wind. Play outside in the sun, paint and do art projects to our heart's content. Bake cookies and lick the bowl and spatula. Shop and eat out. It is these times that seem the most fulfilling, the most joy-filled, the most meaningful.

However, all our moments are. When times are hard, it brings out the real me. Do I show my kids that I actually am insufficient and have need of a huge God? These times are the path to walking my talk. Not to be superwoman. But to fall on my knees and rely on God's gracious love and His power.
In fact. I have heard my daughter reflect on things I didn't even know she was paying attention to! Or understand things I thought were beyond her reasoning at the time.

These are the chapters where my girls see I am human, they are human too, and don't have to be perfect. But they can come talk and I will give a listening ear (and hopefully I am wise, not angry, not  wrongly judging). I want them to know they have a safe place. I want to know their hearts, see what beats within them.

And I want to show them what thankfulness looks like! Who wants a mopey mom? Am I stressed out? I need to take a chill pill and remember Who's in charge, Who has a purpose. Doesn't mean I have to smile 24/7, but doesn't mean I have to be a complainer either. The words that come out of my mouth are so permanent and set the tone of the day; a smile is infectious and a merry heart does good like a medicine. I serve a good God who has good plans for me.

Have a beautiful Mother's Day, looking through the lens of God's goodness. Our lives might look totally different than those surrounding, but I can personally proclaim His amazing care and love toward me. If you feel loss this day, I hope and pray you are aware of His peace. He wants to talk; open your heart to Him.