Goals

I have a few goals for this year. Its the first time in about a decade I've actually been thrilled to set some for myself, goals I really want to accomplish. I will admit - they are not earth shattering and they will not make me look like Wonder Woman.

But they are my goals nonetheless. 

#1     Read 13 books (at least!)

#2     Eat healthier (no dairy, watch portions and limited sugar)

#3     More physical activity (walk every day)

#4     Read through the Bible (personal plan and student plan)

These are lofty, I know. As the excitement wears off, it will be tougher in the daily grind to prioritize. But it always feels good to follow through with something!

To read through the Bible, I'm currently using The Bible Project. It has a website and reading plan plus videos and the kids love it so far. It does not hail as the boring stuff I've used before. This actually has an overview and goes at a quick space. So we'll not be studying Genesis forever and ever, Amen. I also have a personal plan - simply the ESV Bible Reading plan. It's literally a checklist. Right now I'm in the Psalms. It is so contemplative to simply read through the Scriptures versus analyzing every jot and tiddle. I'm not saying studies are bad (believe me, I am a study guru), I've just never read through the Bible in one year before; and it is a totally different experience.

As for eating healthier, this is not a super fun goal because it seems like I commit to doing this every year. What makes it more fun, is that it is not strict. I can eat some dessert here and a snack there. What makes it different is that I'm noting down what I eat, how much, staying away from dairy (my body has an allergic reaction) and limiting sugar intake. 

To make the healthier lifestyle count, I want to be active. Park further away, take the stairs and walk as much as I can. My goal is to walk every day but sometimes that is just not possible - either because of the weather or because I don't have anyone to walk with me for safety. However, I've made it work a handful of times! I have used a time where I would just sit and wait for a class to be over to instead go outside and walk. Or stand up for computer time versus using a chair. Or volunteer to do work others might do instead.

I don't trust myself to commit to doing a workout video. It is like pulling my hair out to do that. In my opinion, it is SO boring! I would rather see nature and inhale that fresh air. Plus, its inevitable in every great workout to bounce, and my joints just can't take that kind of impact anymore. Pilates and yoga are great...I may be willing to do a few videos with those. But besides that, count me for going outside. Yes, even in the rain.

Lastly, but not least, I am reading away! I've already started about four books, which won't be listed here, for posterity sake. As soon as I'm done reading, I'll post a review. I started off limiting myself to only a certain category of books but thought "What the hey, I'm reading whatever strikes my fancy!" Especially since this is my first year doing a reading challenge. So far, I enjoy my reads. 

Stay tuned.

Its amazing in this day and age on social media, how many use it to gain acceptance or approval. Literally, some teenagers or *gasp* adults would DIE without the companionship of cyber relationships. Which to me is very sad. It bespeaks the condition of our world, the lie of media, the discontent of who we are as people, especially a people who have need of God, His love, and yet we push Him away for a measly substitute every day.

I, in my finite ways, push him away too. I do it without thinking because though God has transformed my heart to love Him, it is still earthy and selfish and will not be perfect until that Day. Until then. I race on, and press on, endeavoring to throw off self and put on Christ, allowing Him to infiltrate every area.

Currently, I'm reading a few books given to me as gifts this Christmas. Home Body by Joanna Gaines, The Food Lab by J. Kenji Lopez-Alt, in addition, A More Perfect Union by Jodi Daynard and Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. I'll not likely be "done" with Food Lab for a looong time, as its a cook book, and Home Body is quite extensive but the other two I'm hoping to finish by the end of January. I've low expectations of myself these days, as I try to prioritize my days, otherwise, I'd be sitting on my hiney reading all day while my kids starve. A huge exaggeration but, seriously.

Right now, I plan on making a little tea and starting breakfast for my kidlets. We literally have two more days of Christmas break. I am sad! I love not having to wake up, pack lunches, deal with homework and rush kids to and fro. But the kids thrive on schedule, so it will be good for them having to be back on track.

Lately I've been watching my kids closely and can tell which one needs special attention. I notice, literally only a half hour of time individually with them doing something they enjoy means the world. With B, its either discussion or a mind game, K it's snuggling and talking, R, its an activity or snuggle, C, its playing "tickle me and kiss me", wrestling, or reading a construction book. All very fun distractions from mundane life. I love my kids.

Tonight is New Years Eve. I guess I am supposed to be hosting a party, and putting up some food for it. This will be interesting as I'm still worn out from Christmas. But I love being around family, so that part I'm looking forward to. Here's to 2019!

Spring Has Fully Sprung in the Valley

We are so excited to say - we are moving in to our new home before the month is over! So much hard work and planning has been poured into this much larger space (and much more elbow grease to come) that we can hardly stand the anticipation.

The kids have been extremely patient living in bunk beds and shared rooms for yet another year, as well as taking turns is in one bathroom. Well, there are two, but the other tiny toilet area stops up every other time we use it, so we just avoid it and use it for extra mirror prep space! We've had nothing to complain about: the trip to the Goheen project is a mere under-20 min drive, the kids' schools have been excellent, the yard and storage space has been just right; and we have made new friendships. God has taught us much this year and we are excited to learn even more in the days to come.

One thing I've discovered: If you are not content with where God has you currently, you will never be content. I'm not even talking external things. Sometimes we are impatient with ourselves, who God has made us to be, the kind of personality we have, the attitudes in our heart we must still work on. Sometimes I wish God would fully form this weak vessel that I am because, don't know about you, but I'm tired of failing and having to come to God (and family members) and ask for forgiveness; I'm tired of feeling like I have to meet others' approval (often it's my own imagining) and I'm tired of the burden sin itself places on us. But God IS at work in my life, especially in the weaknesses. There is redemption, healing, love and mercy in the arms of God. He is turning all the gunk into a beautiful pot. He is using me in others' lives, believe it or not, especially my kids'. I need to speak the truth "It Is Well with My Soul" because God has handled everything at the cross, He has an ultimate plan, and He cares so much to have sent me a Comforter in the process. He sits down to dine with me and desires fellowship.

I'm like,"Wow, God. You care about me and take care of just like when I was 9, or 15, etc. You really keep Your word." Quite often, I look back in amazement of answered prayer, or a met need, however seemingly small. God cares for us. He cares for the lilies and sparrows, He cares even more for His children.

This coming school year (yes, I already have to think about that!) has much to hold. I already had to submit my learning plan for my eldest's schooling, since she coordinates with the school system. Also, every year, my husband and I look over the last year and see if any changes need to be made. This year, we decided our eldest needs more oversight, we will possibly keep the little girls in traditional school, and our youngest will attend Christian preschool. Nothing is ever "the perfect" plan, sometimes it has to be tweaked but I love that Mike and I communicate regularly and are usually in sink with each other on what's a good plan for the family. I also like getting the kids' input. But ultimately, even hard things for a while are for their best.

Good night until the next post ~

Since my reality is quite busy and my brain quite fuzzy, these days I like to lose myself in an excellent book.

Right now I am finishing, at a speedy pace, Our Own Country by Jodi Daynard. I just started last week and I am almost done. Its a fairly easy read, not at a difffult level. However, the plot is not boring, has me intrigued and gives much in the way of historical fact. You walk in the shoes of the people in its era. Its prequal, The Midwife's Revolt, was excellent, and I hesitantly continued to the next book (because most trilogies stink, take Hunger Games, for instance). Not disappointed!
I am currently listening to the audio version of The Night Gardener by the brilliant Jonathan Auxier. Brilla and I recently finished his Peter Nimble and His Fantastic Eyes. So well done. It's like unlocking a treasure when you find an author who blows your mind with his language and intriguing plots and climaxes.

We recently tried to get through Fablehaven but weren't feeling it. The plot didn't really mesh.

Next on our list are:

The Thief Lord
Inkheart (same author)
Percy Jackson and the Olympians (The Lightning Thief)
Julie and the Wolves

Brilla is currently reading A Single Shard by Linda Sue Park. She is in love with it. Basically, she adores pottery. Because of this book, we have ordered a pottery wheel and she'll be working on that soon.

Can't believe it has been an entire year since I said good-bye to Grandma. Somehow I knew deep down when I waved then grabbed a second, lingering hug, I was saying farewell until Heaven. Yet, its still hard. Fresh loss is like that. The memories are so close still.

In all honesty, my grandma had some funky views on things; we even had disagreements about numerous topics. But we could converse like this because our relationship was close; we were best friends. I loved her not because she was perfect, but because she was mine. Our grandma sent straight from God as a gift into our lives. She left behind a huge legacy. Had she not become a believer, my father would not have been drawn to Christ, and my parents would not have taught me God's ways, and I might never have come to know His peace in my life, and ultimately would not have that well to draw from for my children.

God is an amazing God to have used this broken, simple woman for His glory. She did not live a glamorous life and was open with the mistakes in her past. That is what redeemed people do. They are humbled and broken before God, and according to his mercy and grace, He brings them up out of the pit. They don't deserve and can't maintain His love, He does it all because He loves them. And nothing can separate us from his love; not cancer, nothing.

This world is such a mixed atmosphere. We have terrorism occuring in some parts of our homeland, while some parts are completely untouched, tragedy and horror unknown, almost like the occurence is surreal. Meanwhile, others I know have cancer and their lives are turned upside-down while I complain about getting a cold. The only thing truly stable and unmoving is God Almighty. Might these things be to reveal His mercies, His grace, His unfailing love in the midst of the storms of this temporary life?

The longer I live here on earth, the more I look toward heaven to be with my God! Yes, there are moments, days of joy and heart-stopping beauty, but there is also ugliness and great evil. It makes my heart ache for the Perfect to come; it stings my eyes with tears that some must suffer until that Day.

I long to be with you,
My heart is filled with pain.
For those I know must feel
Why do these clouds bring rain?

Asking myself these things,
What is my role to play,
How can I feel the hurt, feel the loss,
When its others who must pay?

Your lasting peace and love,
Are present in my heart,
But when the troubles rise, the lightning bolts,
Will my faith depart?

I cling to You, my Rock,
My only steady, fervent Hand.
My Life, my Healer,
The One Who Understands.

___________________________________________

Before time began, You looked at us.
You said, though they care not, I love them.
Though they love themselves, I will die for them.
They don't know what they need,
So I will provide for them.

You paid a price,
You were abandoned in the dark.
You felt the evil of the world upon Your shoulders.
Though Holy, even Your father could not look at You.
Because you were turned to dirt, lust and shame.

That's how much you loved us.
That's how much You gave.
Hell you took, so our souls could be saved!

You stared death in the face.
You took on the bloody cross.
It was horrible, the sin you felt for me.
It should have been me in Your place;
Instead Your plan was more.

Your plan conquered.
It overcame the soul-killer, the liar to mankind.
You breathed eternity
Into the soul of man.

People wonder why there is evil,
But do they ask Who keeps the good in this world?
Who is the Rescuer? The only one who provides life amidst the death?'

Instead they blame Him.
Throwing their bitterness and hurting heart of hate.
Toward the One Who holds newness
For their aging, cracked souls.

But God is better than I,
He waits patiently, for all who are broken.
Who wish to come, and find newness of Life.

Running is a Good Thing

Busy is relative.

I look at my friends who have seven plus kids and think "Why did I ever complain?" I've got it good! Then, I get back at my week and clearly, I am run ragged with my four chillins.

In life, I have learned two things: 

1) You won't get everything you want to get done finished in a day, only the things you need to.

2) It doesn't nearly matter how busy you are, its where or Who you run to for strength in the midst of       it.

Never ever do I claim to have it together, nor do I want to! But from wise older women, I've gleaned these truths. Need advice on how to function as a mom, wife, daughter, etc? Ask the older gals. They have been there and boy, do they have their own stories to tell. 

What are the things they advise in a "busy" mom's life? Love your children, take time to listen, they will always remember the small things, pray. Lots of prayer. And yet, do I take time for that? No, I stay up folding tons of laundry, or stuffing my face with chocolate when stressed, or dig in the most recent counseling book for women. Not all bad things, mind you, but often the most thing needful, to sit at Jesus' feet, is very often set aside because I "don't have time".

My goals this year are not many and not huge. I am at the season in my life where I don't chase the American dream, merely try to meet the schedule in my planner. Thus, don't lure me with degrees for the stay-at-home-mom or financial success in-a-box theories. I want to live life fully as Jesus desires me to do. Most of that looks nothing like the general population expects. It means holding my tongue instead of lamblasting my kids. Loving enough that I give up "alone" time to read with my struggling reader every night. Making notes for my kids' lunches. Praying and singing with my kids before school. Spending time with my husband before bed instead of hanging out on the computer. Doing the unexpected errands for my husband, ahem, boss, because I am, believe it or not, his secretary. Also, come up with a chart for my kids to finish their chores and a creative ways to cook for my family!

We are doing a few other crazy things this year that are out of our comfort zone, but we are thankful we have followed God's leading in them; otherwise, we'd be in over our heads. Its a comfort to know Hes in control and we have nothing to fear.

Ultimately, its not how busy I am, but Who I cry out to. If I really need help, reaching out to good healthy counsel. And being content with where I am, stepping forward bravely in the confidence that I am doing all I need to do in this moment, in His grace.

Loss and Gain

A long-time friend of the family recently and suddenly lost her husband to a massive heart attack. Her life and the lives of her adult kids are devastated. When sister and brothers in the Lord go through a horrible event like this, our hearts ache for them and our tears weep with them.

Just today on the freeway I was praying and crying for them. I could not believe one day being beside your husband and the next, completely and for the rest of this life, without him. And that is death. An unforeseen thief.

Of course, this man is beholding Jesus and we cannot have pity on him. He is gloriously changed to be like His Savior. Whole. Pure. Unafraid.

Death is like this, it shakes us to the core, forcing us to ponder eternity. Is there a God?  Is there life after death? Am I ready to face whatever there is?

With full assurance, I know I am ready to meet God, that He exists and He offers life everlasting to those who believe in and follow Him.

But are you? Are you scared to die? Do you have questions that make you afraid of this present life? Are you at peace with God?

You do not have to become good to come to God. He wants you broken, with all your scars, your past, your emptiness. Those who are full of themselves, thinking they have it all together, they are good enough on their own, are the ones who have a hard time of surrendering to God. Becoause even if we think we're good, we still are selfish. We do things for the wrong reasons. We are born to love ourselves first, love others and God last. That naturally unloving part of us is called our sin nature. God, Who was never created but is Eternal, has never sinned and is perfect. But like other gods, does He stand aloof, not caring about people, not caring about what happens? The opposite is true. His Son came down to earth, became a man, and sacrificed Himself in death to cover our sins and completely erase them, that we might have a relationship with Him while on this earth and go to be with Him forever when we die.

Must we give Him a sacrifice, or do religious things like pay penance, say prayers, give to the poor, or become a better person for Him to love us? No. The Bible says, that WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS, Christ loved and died for us. His gift of eternal life after death offered to the whole world, not a select few. We need only cling to Jesus to save us from our sin(s), our nature of selfishness and "good enough-ness", believe that His death was enough to pay for it all. Its that simple.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thus, for my friend, she has lost her best friend and dear husband. But for him, he has gained. He has finally met the Lover of His Soul!

Miss Her

I sure miss her. Upon giggling like a school girl when I got my sweet-smelling soap in the mail, I realized their was only one other person who would have been as excited as me, my grandma.

She was always thrilled at the small things. We will never fully comprehend how much we pass on to the ones we leaved behind. This is something she passed on to me. 

Whether, it's a caramel machiatt"i"as she called it, a drive throught he country, or spotting a wildflower, it just gave her the utmost pleasure.

Its really a gift, to find joy in the simple. To thank God every day for His mercies. To not long for what's not ours, to have our hands loosely holding the things of this earth.

My goal is to keep a journal on here of the Goheen Lodge. I have not updated in a while because...we've been crazy busy!

Last Wednesday (was it only last week?!), God answered a seemingly impossible prayer request (He delights in putting His stamp on things). I found a rental fitting all the perameters we needed and moved in by Saturday. A gal posted the rental ad (not even an MLS) on facebook just after I happened to log in. Immediately, I made the call, returned an application, Mike just happened to be heading to the area (thank you Lord!) and by 1:30 that afternoon, the landlord agreed it was our home to rent. If we had been a moment later, no kidding because another couple walked right up after they shook hands, we would not have gotten it. God's perfect timing. And a nod to the CRAZY market over here right now.

Also, just a week before, we received our permit!!! Day two of excavation. Hoping to head over with the kids to take a peek.

Fun tidbit, Mike was remodelling a home for a customer and because they don't have a care about money, they were literally going to throw out a brand new modern jetted tub just because it was in the area to be redone. Also, they were going to throw out a beautiful door. Little things like this are a blessing!

Rainy day. Again. The great thing about the Pacific Northwest is that it gets a little hot and toasty for a while, then a rainy day comes along to clear the allergens. Every time I am tempted to move away from the rain and cold, I go visit the Midwest. Full of bugs, spiders, snakes, muggy heat, sticky skin. Then I am grateful for my mild west coast weather :) It has been decent weather lately. My skin and body need the heat. I don't know if its my hormones, olive skin or what, but I feel healthy and overall better when the sun is out.

We heard that there is one more week until our building permit is fully approved! Totally putting my limited trust in the County right now. Here's hoping for this timeline to be correct so we can break ground before July!!

Yesterday Mike and I were able to venture out sans kids to look at flooring, countertops, lighting and appliances. It was glorious. I learned a lot about what to get, not get. What's the best value, what's cheap. And we've narrowed down our choices. My choices right now are SO much different than what I wanted at the beginning of this journey. 13 years ago, I had no idea about the construction world and today I have learned so much from Mike's line of work, coupled with having to dive in being our own general contractors. Excitement is an understatement of what I feel planning out details, keeping my eyes out for home sales on these things. The more specific, the better.

Earlier this week, I was able to get the kids registered for their new school classes in the new district. It will be fun to do this half-home school/half classroom learning thing. They call it "alternative learning". I'm hoping it will help with the inconsistency that often happens with home school. My love/hate relationship with homeschool is that I LOVE choosing what my kids learn, I know them best. But I HATE when they don't want to do their work because I now become "slavedriver" and have to whip them into shape when I already do enough of that in every other aspect of their lives. Face it, school work is work and no matter how attractive you paint it, their are days and weeks where there is just no motivation for my kids. And my tendency is just to take a break because there are some battles you don't fight. Hoping this gives my oldest some friends her age, accountability and exciting learning environment. Can get a little doldrums when you're the only student on the roll call! I can tell my second girl is needing more of a social and organized schooling schedule, which I can't provide becauseu we'll have much going on with the build, plus coralling the toddler. My youngest girls NEEDS this so much because she's so hyperactive. Needs some structure under another teacher's guidance for a while. I feel like she and I have made huge headway together, but
one doesn't always need to be around your family for their to be a healthy learning environment. Sometimes it creates a thankfulness in them for what they receive at home.

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I had to pause and come back. My youngest girl just threw up. Fun. Now all I can do is hold onto a small glimmer of hope it doesn't spread to anyone else. Which will not happen. *sigh*

Sitting on my well-loved leather couch, I am taking in the small home I have lived in for 13 years. The carpet is still blue, the kitchen is still pergo, and the cabinets are still ugly. However, these are the few remaining things we have not given a facelift over the years. We have painted, drywalled, and framed. We've added a timeless, hand-stained mantel and built a gorgeous deck where I have drank many a cup of coffee and completed countless books. Our yard has been throughly redone, complete with rock wall, bounced-on trampoline, blossoming hostas and cute shed. I have borne and raised all my toddlers here. I carried my angel baby in this place.

A recovering sentimentalist, I have learned to not count my memories by the things I keep, but by the pictures in my brain and emotions within. Life is enjoyed more by not hoarding trinkets but treasuring the moments represented by them. Says the girl who used to have collections out the wazoo.

So...I look, I feel, I listen. I remember and hide the memories deep within, and entrust them to the Lord.

We are moving. Not too far. But far enough. It is a place of greenery, acreage and beauty. It would be lying to say we are not thrilled with anticipation to spread our wings for bigger space for my children to run all over.

But I want to take a moment to soak up the love we have enjoyed in our little blue rambler. My personal first home to own, where we immediately settled into after getting hitched. We asked God wherever we lived, that it would be a place He could use us to reach out to those around us. And He has answered that prayer. We have witnessed so much life in our very own neighbor's lives. We've hosted Bible club, and kids have heard about Jesus. We've taken friends to AWANA. Many precious relationships with not just those in our cul-de-sac but down the street, and around the corner. It will hurt our hearts to say good-bye. That is what I will miss most...the people. I pray that God would love these people with others who love them just as much as we do. If I could teach something to my kids it would be to invest in those around you. Never take for granted the people God places in your life.

A Christian family lives next door. The best neighbors one could ask for. We asked God to use us; well, God has blessed US through THEM. Their granddaughters play with our girls almost every day. They give us fresh produce, little treats to my children, gifts at Christmas. They are so kind and we can't even understand each other half the time (they are Ukranian)!

We have allowed all kids in the neighborbood to play at any time. A safe, loving, open door for them. There have been difficult ones, but did you not know it is Jesus coming to our door in even the most difficult of children or adult? God has taught me much through that. If I could do anything over again, it would be, be more patient with the "hard" kids.

An Update

Oh my goodness. It has been forever. I'm not a great blogger, ok, I'm a horrible blogger. But I have 4 kids and I home school and...well, yeah, I put blogging on the back burner. Like who's going to see my posts? My brother, and well, maybe one of my dear friends :)

So here I am again! Read up!

It's summer in May! Once again, God has graced us with a very warm pre-Summer. I love the sunshine and heat, beaches, lakes, glorious green, geraniums, lilacs, peonies. I could go on. My husband is not a huge fan of heat but it just makes me feel warm all over and healthier too. The cold months are kind of depressing. And in western Washington, we have a lot of cold.

I still have 4 kids. Whew. Yup. We haven't disbanded yet :) They are so busy, so much work, and I love them so much. I'm not one of those women who dreamed of getting married, being a wifey-wife and having 4 kids, but here I am and I'm in love. I'm glad God's plans are bigger than mine!

We are finally doing it...we are moving to a 4-acre lot and building our dream house! I am very excited, nervous, then excited and afraid all at once. I've never waltzed this dance before and I don't totally know what to expect. I'm kind of bad at wanting to control things and wanting to know what to expect, so this is truly testing that weakness of mine. I like for things to move along and I've found out big projects like this are a lot of waiting, then leaping ahead; then waiting, then leaping again. Then maybe taking some steps backward. But with Mike by my side and God at the helm, we can do it! And we will learn from our mistakes.

Mike is a contractor but not generally a general contractor. He's done only one who remodel project, he is mainly a framing guy. So this really is the first entire project we've taken on ourselves. And it's our dream home. Yikes!

The kids are also going into traditional school this Fall. Yeah, that's scary for me. We've only ever been home schoolers, so this is a leap of faith. I'm trusting God all the way. He's prompted us to put them in school for a while now and we are going for it. Of course, there will be bumps and turns to ride but like the house, with God at the helm, He will do amazing things. He will be glorified.

Which brings me to a moment on my soap box. Don't be afraid to do the thing God is asking you to do. For me, it usually comes as a small, still but insistent voice. What God is calling each of us to usually will not look like what the other person is supposed to be doing, which is challenging. We kind of want to fit in. I know I will be facing criticism even in my own family and close friends, but I need to remind myself not to worry, but to give my anxiety to God, thank Him and pray for wisdom. What a good God, He always takes care of me and my family.

With all this fear being talked about, I really am thrilled at how God's working in our lives! Lately, He's been teaching me to slow down and pay attention to what the children need. Whether it's extra discipline, a listening ear, a creative way to instill character, or extra love. I need to prioritize and put the first things first. Like I've heard someone say, you may not have enough time in the day to get the things you want to get done but you have enough time to do the things you need to. I'm the type who likes to be busy: put the load of laundry in, wash the dishes, fold the laundry in the living room, post those things for sale online, pay the bills, check on the kids doing school...I could go on and on. Then I feel guilty for the things that haven't gotten done: Bible study, exercise, business stuff, cleaning the bathroom. It all just seems so overwhelming, and it is. But we weren't mean to get everything done, just the important things. God wants us to plan our steps and use the time wisely. As I type this, I probably should be in bed so I can get those things done with open eyes :)

I struggle lately being able to have quality time studying God's Word. I get so doggone tired from taking care of my four little ones, to bookkeeping with the business, to my selling business to prepping for the home school year and on top of that, getting all the little housework things done...like cleaning my bathroom faucet for heaven's sake! Yesterday, I took one look at it and thought 'how have I let it get that bad??' while promptly scrubbing it with a stray toothbrush under the counter. Good thing the perfectionist in me went by the wayside at three kids. I'd be a mess. I still am sometimes. Oh well.

Moms, remember when you were single, or even married without kids, or only had one kid and you set out to have 'devotion' time with God? And you actually spent the proverbial 30 min or more each day doing so? Thank God, that now four kids and 11 years married later, when I spend time with God, I drink Him up. I am so thirsty and hungry. It may not be every day I get to or it may even be 5 min before my kids interrupt, but I am hungry and thirsty and can't get enough. It's not just a check off my list but a genuine need and love for Him.

Strangely, I just recently discovered that Bible Gateway has audio, so I can listen to His Word while doing dishes or laundry. It's amazing. I love transforming these dull and annoying chores into ones I look forward to. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I put on our book club's audio book instead, but really...audio Bible??! In this day and age and American culture, we are so incredibly blessed. And what I like most is that I can rewind verses to meditate on them repeatedly. Especially Hebrews. Complex Hebrews.

I have also found that having a Biblical study (of sorts) written by a godly older woman has been helpful. I'm currently (still) on Drawing Near to the heart of God by Cynthia Heald. It has been inspiring to my every day faith in God with chapters like His Immeasurable Love, His Manifold Goodness, His Absolute Sovereignty, or His Perfect Will. In this book, I can tell Mrs. Heald is an imperfect fellow sister in Christ striving to walk in Christ's steps.

But like I said, it's been tough. I feel lately like I've fallen off the bandwagon. Just struggling to pray and working on my attitude towards the kids.  Thankfully, now I realize that it has nothing to do with my standing with God or His love for me if I don't. But I miss out on our relationship. My inward self and outside tumults become gigantic as the things of God grow dim and I lose sight of priorities.

God must be first and I want Him to be. Here is to a week of striving to be purposeful in seeking Him out.

So I guess my new blogging strategy is to post every 6 months! Ha! Some days I even forget I have a blog. But people who love to write, no matter their station, are always drawn to pen their thoughts once again.

Seasons of life. We each are in one. Whether its single hood, newly married and working, stay-at-home-mom craziness, working away from the home, taking care of our parents while taking care of our own children, empty-nesting, retirement, etc, we are each in a season. God has us right where he wants us.

Sometimes the discontent of our current surroundings rises up and threatens to choke us. We begin to feel bitter, wishing we had made different choices in life. Wishing, no longing, for a different place. It's so tempting, because the grass always seems greener on the other side, right?

I think half the battle of us finding joy is thankfulness. Not just ambiguous thanks. Thankfulness is submitting ourselves under the sovereign hand of God. Its saying "Where I'm at right now might be hard, or even unbearable, but I know God has a plan and is working all thing for good". He absolutely adores His children and wants the best for them. But that's different than how the world sees success. They see it as absence from pain, or suffering. But God knows those things only prove to strengthen those who love Him, and develop our character. Take joy that you are watched constantly. He takes care of the lilies and birds of the field; He most certainly watches us!

Another part of thankfulness is slowing down the spoil factor. We live in such a demanding society. Really, we can have what we want almost instantly. We think we deserve this and that, and if we can attain it, why not go for it? God wants us to be happy right? He wants us to achieve our dreams, right? Yes, God wants us to have joy, which is a fruit of the Spirit, but does not come about through achieving our dreams. We were created to solely give Him glory. He may choose to bless and provide for us in different ways. However, we must always remember that instantly, all that could be removed from our lives. And when in desperate need, Whom will we worship? Can we bless God in much and in little? Can we love him in feast or famine?

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Currently, my knee is out of commission. Yep, soccer injury. When I first injured it, it swelled up like a balloon and hurt horribly. after a few months, swelling has definitely gone down and it was feeling a little better. Recently, I started jumping on the trampoline with my girls and it started getting irritated again. So I finally set up an appointment for an MRI. The result? I have a radial tear in my meniscus. The doctor says surgery. Can you believe it after 25 years of soccer, and not once did I have to have surgery until now? The positives are its a 30 min procedure and I could be on my feet within the week. No exercise/heavy activity for 6 weeks though. There is also a post-op taking out of stitches. I'm really not looking forward to the process, but I'm looking forward to playing soccer again. I'm not excited about physical therapy, but I AM excited about exercising and losing this baby fat! I have been bummed during this time where God just picked me up out of my exercise regimen and set me aside. I've not been the happiest camper. But after about a month of inwardly groaning and just detesting my stagnancy, it dawned on me...'God has a purpose in this'. I dont' know what it is, but I will know later. " And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
I know in this verse God is talking about much deeper things than a knee injury but in this time, I can know He is working all things for His grand purpose and obviously, this is  not a hiccup in His plan. I am working on trusting!

Happy Monday

Today was one of those days. Tonight was one of those nights. Mom didn't feel too good and the kidlets were in rare form.

Brought the middle girly home from dance and said hello to a monstrous mess throughout the house. It was mainly my nearly-three girl's fault, but really, all the kids gladly contributed to toys in every.nook.and.cranny.

Monday is co-op day, and the beginning of all things school and regular schedule. It's also paperwork and pay bills day since I don't have to teach. After cramming that all into one morning, along with not feeling well, I was pooped.

So when I got home and the kids hadn't eaten and my home was a hurricane, I knew it was a long night ahead.

The saving grace was chicken quesadillas for dinner. I gobbled those things up like an athlete gobbles Powerade. Then we proceeded to clean.

Not to mince words, I am a drill sergeant during clean-up. I am slightly impatient in that I want the mess fixed fast and to boot I have young children who are in training and not so focused. In fact, my youngest is in "Squirrel!" mode 99% of the time. I'm also impatient because I want to be done and have some fun. That's my motto.

Now the rest is history. My kids are all in bed. The house is officially clean. I am sitting on the couch, with a headache, but happily munching on a cinnamon roll. A neck massage pillow behind my head. Re-watching the NFC Championship game. Okay, that last part is not my choice but my husband's. Which is so totally funny to me because...yes, I like to replay games, but maybe a month later when there's no more football? It happened like last night for heaven's sake. He makes me laugh.

Tomorrow is the dawn of a new day. And new messes. But give me a cup of coffee and I can take it.

Happy Monday!

Still Thankful

I want to give thanks.

For family. I know multiple people who have family far away or family simply too busy, or family that does't speak to one another. But us, we have both sides so near and both sides who love Jesus. And we get together virtually every Thanksgiving and Christmas. Both sides of the family under one roof. A pure miracle. A pure blessing from God above, whom I thank profusely. I can quickly forget my blessings.

For the Church. The soul-piercing teaching, the deep fellowship, the sharing of hardship, the lightening of loads, the women who love my babe in the nursery, the pastors who are servants. I'm thankful we are bound together by Christ. We are hands, feet, eyes, heads and elbows. All of us connected and one is not more necessary than the other.

For the Holy Spirit. God in us. Continually at work, convicting me. Changing me to be more Christ-like. Bringing understanding to my mind as I read Scripture. Telling me to speak love to my children. To put myself in others' shoes. To show love to my husband even when I'm exhausted and feel like telling him I'm done. The Holy Spirit breathes life into my soul.

For my home. It is warm, and there are those I know who have no money for heat and so they bundle up and live in a cold house. For a place to call my own, where I come to after a long day and seek rest. The place where I raise my children and live life with them.

For friends. God knows we need relationships. We need that encouragement along the way. Someone who reaches out to us and enjoys us for who we are. I am thankful to have friends like that. To be very honest, I don't make friendships easily. I am not life-of-the-party, it takes a while to develop closeness. God knows this and sees friends perfect to bring me out of my box and make me smile and share. "There is a friend that is closer than a brother."

For my husband. He has a physically taxing job but he comes home and give more of himself without complaining. He shows me sacrificial love. He's not perfect, but he's himself and doesn't put on a facade. He changes diapers now. He did housework on Thanksgiving even when I know he wanted to be watching football. He overlooks my quirks and gives me foot massages. He likes to workout with me. He tells me the truth in love, even if it hurts a little.

For my oldest. She is creative to the core, with art and science projects dotting our home. I like her complex mind. She and I butt heads much, but it is God's way of stretching me and reminding me of His grace. She is generous. Not a competitive bone in her body, she just has fun. She adores her baby brother. She loves God and is always teaching her younger siblings about Him.

For my second girl. Gets things done, keeps me on task. She loves wearing her dirty white shoes because they are beautiful to her. She likes to wear gorgeous dresses outside to play and I have to say 'no'. She focuses in ballet and thrills to dance. She is my affectionate cuddly one.

For my third girl. So much like me. Competitive to the core; independent; unafraid. Must wear a tutu every day but is not graceful or elegant! Has accidents and owies daily. Knows when she is in trouble and dawns her sweet smile to get out of it. She is quick to forgive and love. She is baby brother's biggest fan. Has brown m&m eyes that melt the hardest hearts.

For my baby boy. He is so good to me when he eats and sleeps. His light skin, blue eyes, coppery hair and barrel chest remind me of Daddy. He catches my eye until I pay attention. He pulls my long hair. He is teething and driving me crazy right now. His ultra-chubby cheeks are sweet to kiss. He enjoys splashing in the tub until I am soaking wet.

There is so much more I could give thanks for. When one gives thanks, it is hard to find fault. Yes, there is pain and hardship, but there is also strength, truth and love in Christ. And we have a choice. To turn to God in it, or to turn away. But even when we turn away, He pursues. Story of my life. God has given me so many second chances (and third and fourth).

The Wonder of My Weekend

Surprise...I'm blogging again!

I've decided I miss this page.

I don't promise consistent posts, but hope I will post more in these cold months *impish grin*

'Tis the season for colds and coughs. We are almost healed from a long streak of illness. That's what happens when you have four kids and attend a church that is one-third kids (or so it seems)! My husband and I don't visit the doctor often. We just don't need to. We try to treat symptoms with natural approaches, and they usually work. However, after several tries with essential oils, honey, teas, sleep, diet change, etc...we decided it was time for our daughter to go to the doctor for her cough! And we are SO GLAD she did. She was the last one to catch this horrible flu-like sickness and it didn't seem to want to die a quick death. Within just hours of her taking her medication, there is a huge difference.

I am all about natural. Especially if you're an adult, we know how to care for ourselves (or should anyway). But God gave us wise doctors and modern medications for a reason. So we can live life when our natural approach just does not nip it in the bud. Thank goodness! Here is to returning to all the activities we had to forego because of this of ole annoying cough!

Last year around this time, I was pestered with morning sickness. Awful. I dreaded the holidays. Anything to do with food nauseated me because of all the dreaded smells and cooking. I even remember making some chocolate no-bakes and not being able to look at another one afterward. This year is a different story! I am ready to bring out the turkey, cranberry sauce, thankfulness tree, and start my Christmas shopping. A few family parties have got me in the mood for all things cheery and bright. We are very blessed to have family close, even more so, family that loves Jesus.

Speaking of loving Jesus, this weekend I had the privilege of attending a beautiful ladies conference. All we did was bask in the awesomeness of God. We were reminded of His glory, His love, His forgiveness, His promise of Heaven. So much more, too. I left feeling like I wanted more of God, like I wasn't satisfied and want to dig more in His Word and find out about His heart. That's a good thing, right? Just like friendships, where we want to know our dear friend's desires in life and how she/he thinks and feels, so it is with our Father God. One of the coolest things I heard this weekend, which was straight from Scripture by the way, was "when we were God's enemies, He crushed His Son for us. What will He do for us when we sin as His children? " Basically, our speaker was getting at the fact that we need to draw near to God when we feel shame from sin in our lives. We often shrink away from God in the dark corner when we've done wrong. That often puts us in a position to give more into sin. He wants the opposite. He wants our shame to be a gift to bring us to repentance, restored before our Father. He loves us so much. He doesn't want to afflict us. He has no desire to be angry with us. He wants a relationship and fellowship.

Also this weekend, my very dear friend took me out for a birthday lunch. Delicious. But more than the food, I enjoyed our talking. With 7 kids between us, it is hard to get that deep conversation in. What a treat a true friend is! Someone who cares to make time in this busy life to do something fun with you. Thanks Friend. You know who you are.


Today we had a fun evening with extended family. My husband's cousin and his wife and two kids came up to visit. Such good catching up. These kind of times are rewarding and you don't want to get back to the daily grind. Like I said, I'm ready for the holiday celebrations. Not all the gift and craziness, just the hanging out with friends and family part.

And now I have to clean up my kitchen because I don't want to see dirty dishes when I wake up. Some things you dislike so much you just have to do without thinking before you convince yourself to forget it!

Yesterday afternoon was lovely. A dear friend called us for a last minute invite to her home, and we had a clear day! So, while kids played, we had a good time chatting and drinking tea and eating a chocolate croissant (which I'd never had before; they really are quite delicious). Time with my girl friend was just what I needed since it is both winter AND I am pregnant - both factors producing somewhat a hermit inside of me.

Upon arriving back home, I tucked the girls in for their naps. Thankfully, there was no gymnastics class to wake them up early for, so I was able to engage in the art of making dinner on a Monday night! This is a big deal. I have not felt much like cooking lately. Shepherd's pie called to me and I just made it up as I went. Must say, it turned out delicious. If you'd like to know, I simply browned a pound of ground beef, keeping the lid on the pan, so as to not let too much of the juices evaporate. You may want to add a little oil or butter as you go. Then, I chopped four or five medium potatoes into large chunks and put them into water to boil. As the beef browned and taters boiled, I chopped two celery and two carrots, along with about a half cup of onion. I then salted and garlicked (added garlic powder to) the nearly browned beef, adding in the veggies. When the veggies softened, I added half a small can of tomato paste and about a cup (or more) of water. I let simmer for about 10 minutes. In the meantime, the potatoes were ready to mash, just added butter and milk. I then placed the beef mixture into the bottom of a 9x13 pan, and spread the potatoes over that. I then placed the whole pan in the oven at 350 for 20 minutes. Lastly, I sprinkled grated cheddar over the whole thing. Wa-la! Shepherd's pie. If you are going for less dairy, you could just sprinkle the top of the taters with  sweet paprika versus cheese.

It was a hit with my husband especially. He loves his beef.

We also said good-bye to our Christmas tree last night. While I was cooking away, my man took it down and the girls helped put away the ornaments. There is now an incredible amount of space in our living room. I must confess, I like it. My job will be to complete the tear down, putting away all the wreaths, sweet Christmas candles, and cheery stockings. I love Christmas, but I also love clearing out for a brand new year! 

We are unsure what we are doing to ring in 2014. We may head to Bellevue for the last day of Celebration Lane, where fake snow pours down and for 20 minutes we enjoy a time of dancing to music and licking lollipops with a myriad of winter characters who beat drums and entertain us with their antics. 

Either that, or stay inside, make a fire, watch a family movie and sip hot chocolate. And hail in the New Year with NYC at 9pm. Not a bad option.

In other (sad) news, my husbands's Uncle Tom has passed away. Yes, the one I had mentioned in my previous Thanksgiving post. The cancer took him quickly. God called his name and he went peacefully. Tom loved his family dearly, and loved to serve in his position as a pilot with Mission Aviation Fellowship. I have not had a close relationship with Tom, but I have been close with his wife. She is a good friend of mine, and she and her sons (Mike's cousins) were able to be with us over the holidays. They seem to be doing well, but I know their hearts are aching. It is so hard to communicate grief when one is going through it. Grief is funny. It ebbs and flows without warning. It causes us to feel volatile one moment, bringing us to our knees in tears the next, and stranger still, allows us to laugh when we feel joy because sometimes those moments help us to forget the pain we feel inside.

The best thing to do for someone who is grieving is to pray for them. If you reach out, and don't feel a response, just give space and time. Or drop of an anonymous gift or meal to them. Some people enjoy being surrounded by others, while some enjoy solace and privacy. Each are normal. 

I remember when we lost Amelia, a dear sister at Bible study handmade a beautiful bracelet for me, with Brilla and Amelia's names stringed together in sterling silver blocks. When she handed it to me, she said she woke up to the gorgeous sunrise and felt prompted to pray for me, and could almost imagine Amelia sitting on our Lord's lap enjoying the light of God. This woman may never know how much her gift and words lifted me, but she was an incredible blessing. 

All I Want for Christmas (and Thanksgiving)

Hi there. I haven't written in a while, because basically, I have not had time! School and kids take it all up.

Right now, I sit at the computer, sipping my decaf Peppermint Mocha, thanks to a free reward from S-bucks. For anyone else who is a gold card holder, have you noticed how many rewards they are giving out now? There must be huge competition because before, I don't remember being able to get so many drinks and treats from them for so inexpensive.

On the flip side, I am not typically a foofy coffee drinker. My usual is a tall decaf latte with one raw sugar or just drip with cream and sugar. But because I'm pregnant with our fourth (or should I say, fifth!), coffee is very blah to me and I prefer it camoflauged, or even better, replaced with a vanilla rooibois.

Other things that are disdained during this pregnancy (while we're on the topic): Mexican food. Yeah, bummer. I end up smelling the garlic and onions on my breath until I scrub my teeth wholeheartedly. Baked goods. This is to my benefit since they all go to my hips and buns anyway. Lots of big, doughy bread. I can almost visualize the stuff stopping up my entire system. Or at least that's what it feels like. I prefer whole grain crackers, potatoes, brown rice. Ultimately, the worst thing about first trimester is my lack of vigor for cooking, or food, period. What sounded good at lunch, sounds horrible for dinner. And even though I cooked a whole pot of stew yesterday, I have no desire to eat it the rest of the week. I knew this would come, but God blesses us with blissful blocked out memories! Until we are there again.

Today was rough but my hubby saved the day. Usually I have to wake up early to get B to co-op on Monday morning. I didn't have a great sleep last night/this morning. Mike went into work later than usual, so he was able to take her in, while I stayed home with the littles! What a man.

When my immune system is low, I get a bad allergy...my nose runs the entire day until I take a nap or go to bed at night. We've not been getting to bed on time, I've been eating leftover Halloween sour  candy to ease my nausea, AND I've been failing to take my prenatal vites the last few days. Thus, instead of typing this, I probably should be catching my zzz's.

All I want for Christmas is a second trimester.

 Until then, however, I need to be looking on the thankful side, grateful for this little peanut, asking God to keep him/her healthy.

Also, Mike's uncle (who is a pilot for a missions ministry) just found out a few months ago that he has terminal cancer. And is not expected to live past another year. This news is devastating. He is the youngest of Mike's uncles and seemed to be in excellent health. He is now here in the area and we have been able to see him and keep tabs on his health. His wife is a dear friend of mine and she is having a rough time, as you can imagine. It's in times like these that all is put into perspective.

We are expecting new life, in about 8 months, and our extended family is dreading life to end, only God knowing when that will happen. We are praying for healing, but also God's timing. Only He knows His plans for Tom's life and we pray whatever happens is a beautiful testimony of God's power and grace.

This Thanksgiving, I will get a chance to bow my heart to Jesus, thanking Him for every single gift He has given me and each member of my family. Accepting all from His hand, both bad and good.

And what do I really want for Christmas? I want a huge celebration of God's grace to us in the form of Jesus Christ. I want to bask in the gift of my family of five. I want to share joy with others by giving them gifts from my heart to theirs. I really want to love and be unselfish.