Just As I Am

I struggle lately being able to have quality time studying God's Word. I get so doggone tired from taking care of my four little ones, to bookkeeping with the business, to my selling business to prepping for the home school year and on top of that, getting all the little housework things done...like cleaning my bathroom faucet for heaven's sake! Yesterday, I took one look at it and thought 'how have I let it get that bad??' while promptly scrubbing it with a stray toothbrush under the counter. Good thing the perfectionist in me went by the wayside at three kids. I'd be a mess. I still am sometimes. Oh well.

Moms, remember when you were single, or even married without kids, or only had one kid and you set out to have 'devotion' time with God? And you actually spent the proverbial 30 min or more each day doing so? Thank God, that now four kids and 11 years married later, when I spend time with God, I drink Him up. I am so thirsty and hungry. It may not be every day I get to or it may even be 5 min before my kids interrupt, but I am hungry and thirsty and can't get enough. It's not just a check off my list but a genuine need and love for Him.

Strangely, I just recently discovered that Bible Gateway has audio, so I can listen to His Word while doing dishes or laundry. It's amazing. I love transforming these dull and annoying chores into ones I look forward to. Don't get me wrong, sometimes I put on our book club's audio book instead, but really...audio Bible??! In this day and age and American culture, we are so incredibly blessed. And what I like most is that I can rewind verses to meditate on them repeatedly. Especially Hebrews. Complex Hebrews.

I have also found that having a Biblical study (of sorts) written by a godly older woman has been helpful. I'm currently (still) on Drawing Near to the heart of God by Cynthia Heald. It has been inspiring to my every day faith in God with chapters like His Immeasurable Love, His Manifold Goodness, His Absolute Sovereignty, or His Perfect Will. In this book, I can tell Mrs. Heald is an imperfect fellow sister in Christ striving to walk in Christ's steps.

But like I said, it's been tough. I feel lately like I've fallen off the bandwagon. Just struggling to pray and working on my attitude towards the kids.  Thankfully, now I realize that it has nothing to do with my standing with God or His love for me if I don't. But I miss out on our relationship. My inward self and outside tumults become gigantic as the things of God grow dim and I lose sight of priorities.

God must be first and I want Him to be. Here is to a week of striving to be purposeful in seeking Him out.