Another Christmas, another new year, comes and goes. There is something in this unpredictable life that is still very predictable. And that is, life continues to roll by. Minutes, hours, days, weeks may seem to stretch on, but they really don't. They are as equally continuous as the ones before them.
I ponder this as I reflect on the past couple years. It does not seem possible that 1 year, 1 month ago, I was supposed to be holding my second daughter, Amelia. And only about 10 months ago did we miscarry our other baby. At times, it seems surreal. How could we be moving on? How could we be filled with great joy despite our grave loss? A song spoke to me the other day. It talked about shattered dreams, unfulfilled desires...to bring them all before the Lord. Because the best place is, where Grace is. You never know the miracle He will perform.
And that is so true. I would rather experience the depths of pain with Jesus at my side, then without Him. It's true, I'd rather not feel heartache at all, but that's not my choice. I can only deal with what comes my way.
The amazing thing is, Jesus has performed a miracle as we have come broken before Him. Obviously, our Baby Girl to come is an awesome miracle in and of itself. However, the other major miracle is that He has healed our hearts. He has made us incredibly thankful; we have experienced His grace more than ever. We are not left bitter and angry. We still laugh and sing and bask in the Beauty of His Holiness.
That is something only the power of Christ could accomplish. Praise God!
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How am I doing lately?
I am wonderful. Exhausted, but wonderful. This was my first week back at co-leading my 2s class at Bible Study. Last week, my daughter got sick, and sick children feel better at home! We had 10/11 sweetums in our class. In short, we got a workout. Praise God for the training and structure of Bible Study Fellowship! And praise God, because it's His class! He can work through weak vessels like us!
I am 30 weeks tomorrow. Isn't that SO cool?? Right now, Baby Girl is rolling around inside. I'm at a point where her positions can make me very uncomfortable. But at least I'm still sleeping well. The night before I delivered Brilla, I had this awfulterrible backache that wouldn't leave. Now I would recognize that as a sign, but then I hadn't a clue. Yay for ignorance! So yeah, sleeping has been sweet. I've gotten back to the gym again, which is good for tuckering me out as well.
Since the holidays are over, I can now slip back into my regular eating regimen. More salads, fish, and whole grains versus all the fatty stuff. I am (trying) to log in my stuff at BabyFit, but even if I don't log, I still try to do it. Strength exercises are SO hard. I am very much out of shape. I'm extremely active when not pregnant, but don't keep up my exercise like I should when pregnant. I know this is normal, but it would definitely help me post-baby, and even during pregnancy. Already, it helps with my digestive issues and I even feel better about my body.
I am starting to get the nursery ready. I say "starting" as in, I have the plans laid. I just need the muscle behind it. We have to lug out all the office furniture and craft storage so it can be a true nursery. This weekend seems to be good for that! I just bought a white fluffy rug from IKEA, only need to purchase wall-mounted bookshelves, name letters, and sheer red curtains. The wall decor, changing table and other decor I'm going to create myself. I'm excited about this project! Perhaps I'll take a photo when I'm done and you all can see the finished product :)
In other news, God has really been working on me with controlling my anger, being more patient. I have diligently bathed this area of my life in prayer. The amazing thing is, because I have set to work on it, I have seen a tremendous change in Brilla. I did not expect this! Our precious children are so sensitive to our emotions and are watching moment by moment. Of course, I am imperfect, and will always need Jesus' help, especially with our new little one to come, but I am a work in progress! I've noticed a calmer atmosphere, less discipline issues and less stress aka freaking out on my part. God is our Helper in any area of life, especially parenting!
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