Wednesday, June 20, 2012
A Hard Path
I am going to a friend's wedding this weekend (in Florida) and have nothing to wear. There is nothing to discourage one from embarking on a weight loss journey like trying on summer clothes. All the places where skin shows is simply scary. I discovered that tonight at Target as I tried on a few pieces. About 75% of everything didn't fit. It's a good thing my children weren't there, because I used the 'f'' word quite a bit. That's right, "fat". I really don't want them to hear me say it. I usually say,"Mommy is trying to lose weight." or "I don't fit into my smaller clothes yet." If they gain weight some day as a teenager or older, I don't want them to think they are destined to remain there, or put themselves in a box.
But to be totally honest, I'm down about where I am with my body. In fact, so down that these past couple weeks, I've struggled and considered giving up. I've put myself in a box and can't get out.
It's not as easy to find time to exercise. I have to be extra purposeful. No hanging out at the gym for a couple hours like I used to do. No going without food since I'm nursing.
It's time to pull out those workout videos, maybe even keep running around my yard, and motivate myself to get to the pool.
I love my husband. He doesn't let me wallow in self-pity. When I whine to him about my weight, I really just want him to shed a tear for me or something. But he doesn't. In fact, he starts telling me that I'm not losing because I'm not taking steps toward my goal, and fills my head with suggestions. He's honest, not negative or overbearing, just honest. I need that.
So, as I record this weight loss journey, I'm going to be truthful. Even when I'm not losing weight and really sucking, I'll tell you because this is a hard path and I'm not going to act like it's easy.
Here's to maybe going on some runs as I stay in Florida for a few days? I'll keep you posted!
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4 comments:
Ah HA! I have at least discerned that she's getting married in Florida. Which was totally not the point of your post but I've been curious! :)
And I. so. hear. you. on the rest of it. It is a HARD road to shed the baby weight. I appreciate your honesty. I'm still working on mine too and I can't say I enjoy it much!
You are beautiful, Joy, and you've already done the weight loss thing TWICE. I have faith in you! It is hard--SO hard--to think about making that difficult climb again when I consider having a third baby. :( Think of yourself as ahead of me!! :)
If I were you, I'd ask your husband, "I don't need you to fix this problem, I just need you to listen as I vent about my low self-esteem." I have done that before with Ben, and he has appreciated it in the end, because it eliminates misunderstanding.
Think of yourself as already ahead, since you have a lot of healthy lifestyle/exercise in your past, and you know it's there in your future. This is just a *blip* in the radar of your life of being a Mommy. You ARE fit right now, you're just in the NourishYourBaby stage of "fit." Once Reese tapers off the nursing, the pounds will drop away, you'll be a run-around Mom again, and have more time to work out. My mother said to me, "Stop exercising! Just be fat and enjoy your baby, cause they don't last long!" :)
I saw a picture of you a few days ago, I think at your brother's wedding, and thought "She looks just the same....beautiful." I should have commented when I thought it, instead of now, when you will just think I am saying it because you need encouragement. I could never lose much until I finished nursing. Not saying that to be discouraging, just reminding you that nursing makes you hungry, and that hormones do play a role in keep some extra pounds around.
Not trying to keep you from eating the right things, avoiding the wrong things, or from being active, but I will tell you the same thing that a friend told me when I was in the middle of discouragement because of baby weight.....cut yourself some slack. You look good. The weight will come off. You have an exhausting job and not a lot of time to exercise (plus, you are tired). Your girls will remember a beautiful happy Mom, and won't have any memories of pudge!
Do what you can, take a walk, that always made me feel better, but from an objective viewpoint, I thought you looked wonderful. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up for not running! You are an active, fit person and someday you will have time and energy to work out in the way that you used to.
Kristi
Thank you ladies, you really encouraged my heart today. I am pretty hard on myself sometimes, even though I've let some things go, I forget what stage of life I'm in. Nursing plus other kids plus trying to lose weight doesn't make an easy combo.
Carrie, sorry, wasn't trying to keep it a secret where the wedding was at, lol! Tampa's her home town. It was a smallish affair, only about 50 people there. But it was wonderful! I will post pics.
The husband talk advice is great Susi. I know guys just want to fix things :)Also, we are thinking of having another some day...so this weight loss thing seems rather moot? I need to keep in mind it's about being healthy.
Kristi, thanks for your words! You are so right, needed to hear that. I will take those walks and just enjoy being a mama :)
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