Can't believe it has been an entire year since I said good-bye to Grandma. Somehow I knew deep down when I waved then grabbed a second, lingering hug, I was saying farewell until Heaven. Yet, its still hard. Fresh loss is like that. The memories are so close still.

In all honesty, my grandma had some funky views on things; we even had disagreements about numerous topics. But we could converse like this because our relationship was close; we were best friends. I loved her not because she was perfect, but because she was mine. Our grandma sent straight from God as a gift into our lives. She left behind a huge legacy. Had she not become a believer, my father would not have been drawn to Christ, and my parents would not have taught me God's ways, and I might never have come to know His peace in my life, and ultimately would not have that well to draw from for my children.

God is an amazing God to have used this broken, simple woman for His glory. She did not live a glamorous life and was open with the mistakes in her past. That is what redeemed people do. They are humbled and broken before God, and according to his mercy and grace, He brings them up out of the pit. They don't deserve and can't maintain His love, He does it all because He loves them. And nothing can separate us from his love; not cancer, nothing.

This world is such a mixed atmosphere. We have terrorism occuring in some parts of our homeland, while some parts are completely untouched, tragedy and horror unknown, almost like the occurence is surreal. Meanwhile, others I know have cancer and their lives are turned upside-down while I complain about getting a cold. The only thing truly stable and unmoving is God Almighty. Might these things be to reveal His mercies, His grace, His unfailing love in the midst of the storms of this temporary life?

The longer I live here on earth, the more I look toward heaven to be with my God! Yes, there are moments, days of joy and heart-stopping beauty, but there is also ugliness and great evil. It makes my heart ache for the Perfect to come; it stings my eyes with tears that some must suffer until that Day.

I long to be with you,
My heart is filled with pain.
For those I know must feel
Why do these clouds bring rain?

Asking myself these things,
What is my role to play,
How can I feel the hurt, feel the loss,
When its others who must pay?

Your lasting peace and love,
Are present in my heart,
But when the troubles rise, the lightning bolts,
Will my faith depart?

I cling to You, my Rock,
My only steady, fervent Hand.
My Life, my Healer,
The One Who Understands.

___________________________________________

Before time began, You looked at us.
You said, though they care not, I love them.
Though they love themselves, I will die for them.
They don't know what they need,
So I will provide for them.

You paid a price,
You were abandoned in the dark.
You felt the evil of the world upon Your shoulders.
Though Holy, even Your father could not look at You.
Because you were turned to dirt, lust and shame.

That's how much you loved us.
That's how much You gave.
Hell you took, so our souls could be saved!

You stared death in the face.
You took on the bloody cross.
It was horrible, the sin you felt for me.
It should have been me in Your place;
Instead Your plan was more.

Your plan conquered.
It overcame the soul-killer, the liar to mankind.
You breathed eternity
Into the soul of man.

People wonder why there is evil,
But do they ask Who keeps the good in this world?
Who is the Rescuer? The only one who provides life amidst the death?'

Instead they blame Him.
Throwing their bitterness and hurting heart of hate.
Toward the One Who holds newness
For their aging, cracked souls.

But God is better than I,
He waits patiently, for all who are broken.
Who wish to come, and find newness of Life.